Sin Esperanza
I left. It wasn't a real goodbye. I hate saying goodbye. I don't know how to do it right. I just tell everyone we will see each other again. How do you say goodbye to someone or something that means so much to you? I can't think of anything I forgot except for people I didn't say goodbye to. I didn't say goodbye to meow meow. I'm so sad. I can't send him a Facebook message. I'm going to miss my baby.
It was so nice of all of the volunteers to make a surprise party for me. Even though I was a bitch about it. It was nice that they realized what I like and they went through so much effort for me. I can't believe they got me coco perfume. I've wanted it for so long. I told myself that I would get it when I really deserved it when I've done a good job. It means so much to me that they think I deserve it and they spent so much money!! I know there is a lot of bad things they didn't say but I am so happy and thankful that they had good memories and that they learned something, grew, gained an opportunity to volunteer and help others.
Right now I am on the bus leaving Trujillo. I came down this long straight road a year ago wondering what the he'll I was doing. Stressing about my new job even before it began, and crying about leaving my friends and home in Costa Rica. It seems as though there is a cycle and its vicious. And now I'm leaving the same way. It's a long road ahead of me. I know where this one is leading...to Lima to travel for three weeks around Peru and Bolivia with my dad. After that I'm not sure. I know I will try hard to work on all of the advice I have received so I can be better, do better and feel better. Bigger and better things lie ahead. I hope.
I was just thinking I feel like I am in Thailand on the bus. I don't understand why I'm having this dejavu, and then I see tractors and a big john Deere sign! How do these things happen? Is someone playing a game of life? I hope they are enjoying it and I hope something great happens soon!!
I forgot all my Spanish stuff in the office. Darn it.
I just organized my extra bags I just accrued while leaving the house. I opened a few presents from William and Junior. Reminder. Look up the significance of giving picture frames as presents. Just for the gesture?
I can't believe I'm finished with my job. I have no work to do! Well I guess I do. I have no job. It's amazing how many times I've been jobless. I hate applying and finding jobs. I don't even know what the heck I'm doing. I do need to pay my loan! Shit it's late. I can work a few months in each state and then come back to South America? Not Peru. Well see how different the south is. Why would I go back to a place I already know? I would be staying in America if that were the case. I'm trying to see the world man! There still is a lot to see in central and south America, and I would like to practice my Spanish more. The only problem is that I make shit for money. How the he'll can I pay off my loans? I need to pay more than the minimum in order to decrease it. Go back to Korea? How long would I have to spend in Korea to pay off my loans? What else can I do to make enough money to pay off my loans? I want to be a director again. It was fun. But tough. But worth it I think.
I'm watching Fargo in Spanish on my bus in Peru. I think it's a sign I should go there for work.
I forgot my soap and face wash.
Dad thinks he's picking out the traditional restaurants because he sees a Peruvian eating there. He picks a 40 sole cuy (guinea pig) dish. He is addicted to coca leaves. He wants to eat at the cheap places because it's traditional. I said that's what I've been eating for a year I want to eat good food. Where did I get good food in Trujillo? Sushi for 25 soles, steak for 40, plaza de armas-20 now everything is more than 20. I haven't had any good food yet. I'm waiting. Dad orders cuy at a "traditional" restaurant and I order tortilla y soapa de crema con papas fritas. They come half an hour later with the tortilla but without the guinea pig my dad has been dying to try. They are out of cuy. Nice of them to tell us. Thats traditional for you. Dad shares my regular tortilla and says how delicious it is. Well at least he's not difficult to please!
I just watched Busqueda Implacable on the bus to Puerto Maldonado. I first thought of Grecko and how he took me to see the new one. And how he never called. But then I started thinking about how to be smart when traveling. And then about how stupid some people are. And then I realized that I am careful because I don't want to get hurt. As much as I have traveled has taught me many lessons. I try to remember the good advice and take extra precaution. It is difficult to do so while traveling with others. For this reason I realize that it is nice to travel alone. I know my father has traveled, and I know I may be extra precautious, but when I warn about something it would be wise to follow just in case, right? If you are in another country you should try to be more adaptable right? Cautious... I wish he would be more cautious about his surroundings. I'll try to be easier on him. I cant wait to travel with Tim. I will do my best to teach him. I miss that boy. And my other brothers. Ohallah they grow up to be good men. I need to stay in better touch.
I love them so much and miss them but I guess I am just so used to not being around them. I want to be their big sister. I want to talk with them more. I will try to be a better sister. I hope they know that I love them. If anything ever happened to any of us I would feel so terrible about not being around for them. And god fucking knows shit happens left and right. I will let them know how much I love them. What can I bring them from Peru?
Ask them what they want. Be there for them. Cook for them. Love them. Open your heart to them. They will be there for you for a long time. I don't want to be the black sheep.
It was so nice of all of the volunteers to make a surprise party for me. Even though I was a bitch about it. It was nice that they realized what I like and they went through so much effort for me. I can't believe they got me coco perfume. I've wanted it for so long. I told myself that I would get it when I really deserved it when I've done a good job. It means so much to me that they think I deserve it and they spent so much money!! I know there is a lot of bad things they didn't say but I am so happy and thankful that they had good memories and that they learned something, grew, gained an opportunity to volunteer and help others.
Right now I am on the bus leaving Trujillo. I came down this long straight road a year ago wondering what the he'll I was doing. Stressing about my new job even before it began, and crying about leaving my friends and home in Costa Rica. It seems as though there is a cycle and its vicious. And now I'm leaving the same way. It's a long road ahead of me. I know where this one is leading...to Lima to travel for three weeks around Peru and Bolivia with my dad. After that I'm not sure. I know I will try hard to work on all of the advice I have received so I can be better, do better and feel better. Bigger and better things lie ahead. I hope.
I was just thinking I feel like I am in Thailand on the bus. I don't understand why I'm having this dejavu, and then I see tractors and a big john Deere sign! How do these things happen? Is someone playing a game of life? I hope they are enjoying it and I hope something great happens soon!!
I forgot all my Spanish stuff in the office. Darn it.
I just organized my extra bags I just accrued while leaving the house. I opened a few presents from William and Junior. Reminder. Look up the significance of giving picture frames as presents. Just for the gesture?
I can't believe I'm finished with my job. I have no work to do! Well I guess I do. I have no job. It's amazing how many times I've been jobless. I hate applying and finding jobs. I don't even know what the heck I'm doing. I do need to pay my loan! Shit it's late. I can work a few months in each state and then come back to South America? Not Peru. Well see how different the south is. Why would I go back to a place I already know? I would be staying in America if that were the case. I'm trying to see the world man! There still is a lot to see in central and south America, and I would like to practice my Spanish more. The only problem is that I make shit for money. How the he'll can I pay off my loans? I need to pay more than the minimum in order to decrease it. Go back to Korea? How long would I have to spend in Korea to pay off my loans? What else can I do to make enough money to pay off my loans? I want to be a director again. It was fun. But tough. But worth it I think.
I'm watching Fargo in Spanish on my bus in Peru. I think it's a sign I should go there for work.
I forgot my soap and face wash.
Dad thinks he's picking out the traditional restaurants because he sees a Peruvian eating there. He picks a 40 sole cuy (guinea pig) dish. He is addicted to coca leaves. He wants to eat at the cheap places because it's traditional. I said that's what I've been eating for a year I want to eat good food. Where did I get good food in Trujillo? Sushi for 25 soles, steak for 40, plaza de armas-20 now everything is more than 20. I haven't had any good food yet. I'm waiting. Dad orders cuy at a "traditional" restaurant and I order tortilla y soapa de crema con papas fritas. They come half an hour later with the tortilla but without the guinea pig my dad has been dying to try. They are out of cuy. Nice of them to tell us. Thats traditional for you. Dad shares my regular tortilla and says how delicious it is. Well at least he's not difficult to please!
I just watched Busqueda Implacable on the bus to Puerto Maldonado. I first thought of Grecko and how he took me to see the new one. And how he never called. But then I started thinking about how to be smart when traveling. And then about how stupid some people are. And then I realized that I am careful because I don't want to get hurt. As much as I have traveled has taught me many lessons. I try to remember the good advice and take extra precaution. It is difficult to do so while traveling with others. For this reason I realize that it is nice to travel alone. I know my father has traveled, and I know I may be extra precautious, but when I warn about something it would be wise to follow just in case, right? If you are in another country you should try to be more adaptable right? Cautious... I wish he would be more cautious about his surroundings. I'll try to be easier on him. I cant wait to travel with Tim. I will do my best to teach him. I miss that boy. And my other brothers. Ohallah they grow up to be good men. I need to stay in better touch.
I love them so much and miss them but I guess I am just so used to not being around them. I want to be their big sister. I want to talk with them more. I will try to be a better sister. I hope they know that I love them. If anything ever happened to any of us I would feel so terrible about not being around for them. And god fucking knows shit happens left and right. I will let them know how much I love them. What can I bring them from Peru?
Ask them what they want. Be there for them. Cook for them. Love them. Open your heart to them. They will be there for you for a long time. I don't want to be the black sheep.
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