Meeting the K 'rents
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. In the beginning I was upset that he did not want me to meet his parents. Why? Some people in Korea still hold onto a conservative, Confucionist mind set. My boyfriend, Wil, explained to me that it is only proper to introduce a woman who you will marry, not just a girlfriend. Traditionally, Koreans should not date people not chosen by their parents for them to marry. In Wil's case, this is a bit different. Of course his parents are not looking for his perfect suiter to marry, but they are not keen on him being with any foreigner. It makes sense to me. They do not want their only son to leave them and fly away to live somewhere far, far away. So, I let it go. I did not ask to meet his parents, I did not get upset when we had to seperate for the weekend so he could spend time with his family, and I only gave him a little grief when he had me pack up all of my stuff from his room when his parents came to town.
So I sat at home, contemplating what I should do with my two days alone...free to do whatever I want! And then I got a call just as I woke up. "Hey, whatcha doin? Get ready, my parents want to meet you for lunch."
No way. I was scared. I was nervous and I told him I didnt want to. I asked why they wanted to meet me, and if they were going to be mean. He told me to think about it and he would call back in a few. Meanwhile I called my dad and told him the unbelievable news. "Wil's parents want to meet me! But I dont want to! Im scared! We wont be able to speak to eachother and it will be so awkward! I know they dont want to see me, they dont like foreigners!" He told me it would be ok, stop being a baby.
Ok. I cant believe I was so worked up about it. Why did they intimidate me so much? MAYBE because I had to wait a year and a half to be invited to meet them, and I knew it was Wil's idea because he felt bad! I called Wil back and told him I would come. I waited at the subway station near the beach, taking deep breaths preparing myself with what I would say. Annyeong hashimnika. Bangapsumnida. Juh nun Tara imnida. Hello, nice to meet you. My name is Tara. And that was about all I could think of to say to them.
What kind of things do you say to parents when you first meet them? In any country, any language, it will always be awkward. Like the time my first boyfriend met my step dad on Christmas Eve. My dad told him to come over and sit on his lap. When he sat down, my dad bounced him up and down and pretended to bite his ear. Maybe all first visits aren’t that bad. Meeting Wil’s parents couldn’t be as bad at least.
When the time came, I saw Wil first. Following close behind was a short, sparkly Korean lady and a normal looking older man. I bowed to them and said the first line. His mom didnt look at me but gave me a slight bow and mumbled something. His dad said hello.
Aaah. Finished. That wasnt so bad. We walked further without looking at eachother or speaking. Outside it was pouring rain. We had planned to walk around and show them the beach with a nice scenic bridge that spans across the water. Plans changed. We were all soaked only a few feet out of the subway station. We went back in and decided to go to the bus station where they would get their tickets to go back home after lunch. In the subway, none of us knew what to do or say. Wil told his mom I understand Korean. I noticed she stopped talking; maybe she was afraid I would understand her speaking about me. Wil told me to say something to them, but I didnt know what to say! Even if I did have a question, I dont know exactly how to say it, or how to say it politely!-In Korean there are different ways to speak to people depending on their status. I am used to talking to Kindergarteners. There is a very polite, polite, formal, and impolite way to say everything. And for the most part, I only know how to speak impolitely. To speak impolitely to his parents would be insulting, therefore I was afraid to talk.
Dad wanted to eat octopus for lunch. Great! I just watched videos on people eating raw octopus whole and it grossed me out enough to say I would never harm an octopus again. Luckily we couldnt find a place so we settled on sam gyup sal-pork barbeque. Just as we sat down at the table, dad and I alone, he began speaking quickly about food. Did I like Korean food? What kind of food do I like? Do you eat sam gyup sal in America? Do you eat a lot of hamburgers and bread? Is kimchi delicious? How long have you lived in Korea? Where do you live now? I was happy to answer his questions and thankful he was being nice enough to talk to me. We ordered some soju and beer to soften our nerves.
After pouring his mom and dad plenty of soju shots and saying majayo-thats right! to whatever his mom said, dad ordered some yuk gae bibimbap -raw beef over rice and mixed vegetables with red pepper sauce. Along with the meal they served bowls of rice and dwenjung chigae-soybean soup and plenty of banchan-side dishes of eggplant and kimchi and vegetables marinated in various sauces. Lunch was delicious and we were all stuffed. There was more laughter and his mom was feeling a bit tipsy.
They left for the bus back home to Yeosu. Wil asked me if I was ok. Whew! Everything went pretty well, and I am happy to have met them.
So I sat at home, contemplating what I should do with my two days alone...free to do whatever I want! And then I got a call just as I woke up. "Hey, whatcha doin? Get ready, my parents want to meet you for lunch."
No way. I was scared. I was nervous and I told him I didnt want to. I asked why they wanted to meet me, and if they were going to be mean. He told me to think about it and he would call back in a few. Meanwhile I called my dad and told him the unbelievable news. "Wil's parents want to meet me! But I dont want to! Im scared! We wont be able to speak to eachother and it will be so awkward! I know they dont want to see me, they dont like foreigners!" He told me it would be ok, stop being a baby.
Ok. I cant believe I was so worked up about it. Why did they intimidate me so much? MAYBE because I had to wait a year and a half to be invited to meet them, and I knew it was Wil's idea because he felt bad! I called Wil back and told him I would come. I waited at the subway station near the beach, taking deep breaths preparing myself with what I would say. Annyeong hashimnika. Bangapsumnida. Juh nun Tara imnida. Hello, nice to meet you. My name is Tara. And that was about all I could think of to say to them.
What kind of things do you say to parents when you first meet them? In any country, any language, it will always be awkward. Like the time my first boyfriend met my step dad on Christmas Eve. My dad told him to come over and sit on his lap. When he sat down, my dad bounced him up and down and pretended to bite his ear. Maybe all first visits aren’t that bad. Meeting Wil’s parents couldn’t be as bad at least.
When the time came, I saw Wil first. Following close behind was a short, sparkly Korean lady and a normal looking older man. I bowed to them and said the first line. His mom didnt look at me but gave me a slight bow and mumbled something. His dad said hello.
Aaah. Finished. That wasnt so bad. We walked further without looking at eachother or speaking. Outside it was pouring rain. We had planned to walk around and show them the beach with a nice scenic bridge that spans across the water. Plans changed. We were all soaked only a few feet out of the subway station. We went back in and decided to go to the bus station where they would get their tickets to go back home after lunch. In the subway, none of us knew what to do or say. Wil told his mom I understand Korean. I noticed she stopped talking; maybe she was afraid I would understand her speaking about me. Wil told me to say something to them, but I didnt know what to say! Even if I did have a question, I dont know exactly how to say it, or how to say it politely!-In Korean there are different ways to speak to people depending on their status. I am used to talking to Kindergarteners. There is a very polite, polite, formal, and impolite way to say everything. And for the most part, I only know how to speak impolitely. To speak impolitely to his parents would be insulting, therefore I was afraid to talk.
Dad wanted to eat octopus for lunch. Great! I just watched videos on people eating raw octopus whole and it grossed me out enough to say I would never harm an octopus again. Luckily we couldnt find a place so we settled on sam gyup sal-pork barbeque. Just as we sat down at the table, dad and I alone, he began speaking quickly about food. Did I like Korean food? What kind of food do I like? Do you eat sam gyup sal in America? Do you eat a lot of hamburgers and bread? Is kimchi delicious? How long have you lived in Korea? Where do you live now? I was happy to answer his questions and thankful he was being nice enough to talk to me. We ordered some soju and beer to soften our nerves.
After pouring his mom and dad plenty of soju shots and saying majayo-thats right! to whatever his mom said, dad ordered some yuk gae bibimbap -raw beef over rice and mixed vegetables with red pepper sauce. Along with the meal they served bowls of rice and dwenjung chigae-soybean soup and plenty of banchan-side dishes of eggplant and kimchi and vegetables marinated in various sauces. Lunch was delicious and we were all stuffed. There was more laughter and his mom was feeling a bit tipsy.
They left for the bus back home to Yeosu. Wil asked me if I was ok. Whew! Everything went pretty well, and I am happy to have met them.
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